Review: The Art of Dying Well

Title: The Art of Dying Well: A Practical Guide to a Good End of Life

Author: Katy Butler

Genre: Philosophy/Self-Help

Trigger Warnings: Death, death of parents, medical content, terminal illness, cancer, grief

Back Cover:

The Art of Dying Well is about living as well as possible for as long as possible and adapting successfully to change. Packed with extraordinarily helpful insights and inspiring true stories, award-winning journalist and prominent end-of-life speaker Katy Butler shows how to thrive in later life (even when coping with a chronic medical condition), how to get the best from our health system, and how to make your own “good death” more likely. This handbook of step by step preparations—practical, communal, physical, and sometimes spiritual—will help you make the most of your remaining time, be it decades, years, or months.

Butler explains how to successfully age in place, why to pick a younger doctor and how to have an honest conversation with her, when not to call 911, and how to make your death a sacred rite of passage rather than a medical event.

This down-to-earth manual for living, aging, and dying with meaning and even joy is based on Butler’s own experience caring for aging parents, as well as hundreds of interviews with people who have successfully navigated a fragmented health system and helped their loved ones have good deaths. It also draws on interviews with nationally recognized experts in family medicine, palliative care, geriatrics, oncology, hospice, and other medical specialties. Inspired by the medieval death manual Ars Moriendi, or the Art of Dying, The Art of Dying Well is the definitive update for our modern age, and illuminates the path to a better end of life.

Review:

This is not really what I expected. I expected something more about getting your affairs in order and Medical Power of Attorneys and deciding what kinds of medical interventions you do and don’t want – something similar to Being Mortal. There is some of that in this book, but it’s also much, much more.

The Art of Dying Well is basically a step-by-step (or more accurately, stage-of-aging-by-stage-of-aging) guide to both the years leading up to your death and the dying process itself. The focus is on what you can do to maintain your functionality and independence as long as possible and limit your suffering when the inveitable becomes immediate. Whether you’re just starting to realize you’re no longer a spring chicken (or just received a terminal diagnosis), too far gone to make your own decisions (that chapter is addressed to caretakers), or somewhere in between, Katy talks about what’s going to be most important going forward, what you should focus on at this stage, some recommendations for programs, tools, and care, and which medical interventions are worthwhile and which will do more harm than good. Interspersed with all this is invaluable advice about having hard conversations, making sure your doctor and family are clear on what you want, getting paperwork in order, and navigating the American healthcare system.

Despite what you may guess from the fact that I have a “Required Reading” page on this blog, I don’t often like saying “everyone should read this book.” But if you are going to die someday or know someone who will, this book is full of useful information. Not all of it will be entirely relevant if you’re not American, but there’s still enough that isn’t America-specific to make this an invaluable resource. Death is scary and nobody knows for sure what happens after, if anything, but The Art of Dying Well is as close to a how-to manual for dying as you’re going to find.

Review: The Power of Ritual

Title: The Power of Ritual: How to Create Meaning and Connection in Everything You Do

Author: Casper ter Kuile

Genre: Personal Development

Trigger Warnings: No major trigger warnings

Back Cover:

What do Soul Cycle, gratitude journals, and tech breaks have in common? For ter Kuile they offer rituals that create the foundation for our modern spiritual lives. 

We are in crisis today. Our modern technological society has left too many of us—no matter our ages—feeling isolated and bereft of purpose. Previous frameworks for building community and finding meaning no longer support us. Yet ter Kuile reveals a hopeful new message: we might not be religious, but that doesn’t mean we are any less spiritual.  

Instead, we are in the midst of a paradigm shift in which we seek belonging and meaning in secular practices. Today, we find connection in:

• CrossFit and SoulCycle, which offer a sense of belonging rooted in accountability and support much like church groups
• Harry Potter and other beloved books that offer universal lessons 
• Gratitude journals, which have replaced traditional prayer 
• Tech breaks, which provide mindful moments of calm 

In The Power of Ritual, ter Kuile invites us to deepen these ordinary practices as intentional rituals that nurture connection and  wellbeing. With wisdom and endearing wit, ter Kuile’s call for ritual is ultimately a call to heal our loss of connection to ourselves, to others, and to our spiritual identities.

The Power of Ritual reminds us that what we already do every day matters—and has the potential to become a powerful experience of reflection, sanctuary, and meaning.

Review:

This is the book I needed when I first left Christianity. I stumbled through several religions and practices, knowing Christianity wasn’t what I needed but unable to put in words what I was searching for. Turns out, what I needed was this – ritual, community, ways to mark the passing of time, a “spirituality” not necessarily based in anything spiritual but in moments of intentional connection and reflection.

I listened to this as an audiobook while working, and I almost wished I hadn’t because there were many places I wanted to take notes. Casper himself is not religious, but he takes religious rituals I’m familiar with from Christianity and turned them on their head. I was introduced to Lectio Divina as a way of reading the Bible, but Casper hosts a whole podcast using Lectio Divina to read the Harry Potter books, and apparently listeners can get a lot out of it. I’m considering trying it with some of my most-reread books (probably Blackbringer and The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, which I’ve read four times and three times, respectively).

This book isn’t long, but it feels like one you need to take notes on. It’s packed full of ideas and information, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to read this again. Possibly several times. Obviously I won’t be sure until I read it again, but it gives the impression of one of those evergreen books that will give you something new every time you read it. Plus, what’s there spoke to me – it feels like there’s things in this book that are what I’ve been searching for.

Final verdict: Read the book. Especially if you identify as any sort of spirtual seeker.

Review: Adventures in Opting Out

Title: Adventures in Opting Out: A Field Guide to Leading an Intentional Life

Author: Cait Flanders

Genre: Personal Development

Trigger Warnings: Moralizing about food, alcoholism mention

Back Cover:

We all follow our own path in life. At least, that’s what we’re told. In reality, many of us either do what is expected of us, or follow the invisible but well-worn paths that lead to what is culturally acceptable. For some, those paths are fine — even great. But they leave some of us feeling disconnected from ourselves and what we really want to do. When that discomfort finally outweighs the fear of trying something new, we’re ready to opt out.

After going through this process many times, Cait Flanders found there is an incredible parallel between taking a different path in life and the psychological work it takes to summit a mountain — especially when you decide to go solo. In Adventures in Opting Out, she offers a trail map to help you with both. As you’ll see, reaching the first viewpoint can be easy — and it offers a glimpse of what you’re walking toward. Climbing to the summit for the full view is worth it. But in the space between those two peaks you will enter a world completely unknown to you, and that is the most difficult part of the path to navigate.

With Flanders’s guidance and advice, drawn from her own journey and stories of others, you’ll have all the encouragement and insight you’ll need to take the path less traveled and create the life you want. Just step up to the trailhead and expect it to be an adventure.

Review:

I didn’t realize when I picked this up that it was written by the same author as The Year of Less, so there will inevitably be some comparisons in this review. Reading this had nothing to do with the author, though. I picked it up purely for the title, because lately I’ve been feeling a strong desire to opt out, usually in the fantasy of selling everything, getting in the car, and driving away.

This book is not exactly about that, though. It’s about smaller “opt-outs,” or choosing to do something different than what your parents or society or whoever tells you that you should. Cait illustrates her field guide mainly with the example of her choice to travel full-time starting in 2019. She also talks about her other opt-outs of quitting drinking, not buying things, not following her parents’ guideline of working a government job and retiring with a pension, and rejecting the societal script of getting married, having kids, and buying a house.

This book is a lot more practical and a lot less memoir than The Year of Less, although it definitely has some memoir in it, too. It’s not about helping you decide what you should opt out of, and in fact operates under the assumption that you instinctively know what you need to opt out of, and instead operates as a guidebook for what your general opting-out journey might look like. Cait uses her love of hiking to turn the journey into a metaphor, with stages of your opting out journey likened to different stages on a mountain hike. (I can’t judge the accuracy of the metaphor as I have never been on a mountain hike.)

This book is not exactly what I wanted. I wanted something that would give me some ideas for turning my general “I want to opt out of society” feelings into concrete things to opt out of. But this is more for people who already know what they want to opt out of and just need some guidance and encouragement for the journey. It seemed a little bit longer than it needed to be, but overall it seemed like a good guide for the adventure and I may come back to it once I’ve figured out what I actually want to opt out of.

Review: The Art of Simple Living

Title: The Art of Simple Living: 100 Daily Practices from a Japanese Zen Monk for a Lifetime of Calm and Joy

Author: Shunmyo Masuno

Genre: Self-Help

Trigger Warnings: Moralizing about food (mention)

Back Cover:

Relax and find happiness amid the swirl of the modern world with this internationally bestselling guide to simplifying your life by a Japanese monk who embodies the wisdom of Zen.

In clear, practical, easily adopted lessons–one a day for 100 days–renowned Buddhist monk Shunmyo Masuno draws on centuries of wisdom to teach you to Zen your life. Discover how . . .

*Lesson #4: lining up your shoes after you take them off can bring order to your mind;
*Lesson #11: putting down your fork after every bite can help you feel more grateful for what you have;
*Lesson #18: immersing yourself in zazen can sweep the clutter from your mind;
*Lesson #23: joining your hands together in gassho can soothe irritation and conflict;
*Lesson #27: going outside to watch the sunset can make every day feel celebratory;
*Lesson #42: planting a flower and watching it grow can teach you to embrace change;
*Lesson #67: understanding the concept of ichi-go ichi-e can make everyday interactions more meaningful;
*Lesson #85: practicing chisoku can help you feel more fulfilled.

A minimalist line drawing appears opposite each lesson on an otherwise blank page, giving you an opportunity to relax with a deep breath between lessons. With each daily practice, you will learn to find happiness not by seeking out extraordinary experiences but by making small changes to your life, opening yourself up to a renewed sense of peace and inner calm.

Review:

I’d looked at this book before, but it didn’t seem interesting enough to end up on my TBR. I picked it up because I needed an audiobook to listen to at work, the one I was planning to listen to had a waiting list, and this one was available.

About halfway through this book, I came up with an alternate subtitle: Japanese Wisdom Made Palatable for the White Middle Management Soul. I’ve read a lot about both Buddhism and minimalism, and this is very much a simplified version designed to give a pseudo-spiritual soothing to stressed cubicle jockeys, with the main messages of “breathe,” “slow down,” and “own less stuff.”

I don’t want to discredit Shunmyo Masuno. I’m positive his experience as a Zen Buddhist monk has taught him a lot more (and a lot deeper) than what he portrays in this book. But bite-sized exotic spirituality for your average white middle manager is what sells. People who have done extensive reading on Buddhism and minimalism are not this book’s audience. People in cubicle hell looking for a few sayings of Eastern wisdom to slap on their troubles like a bandaid are.

Review: How To Break Up With Your Phone

Title: How to Break Up With Your Phone: The 30-Day Plan to Take Back Your Life

Author: Catherine Price

Genre: Self-Help

Trigger Warnings: None

Back Cover:

Is your phone the first thing you reach for in the morning and the last thing you touch before bed? Do you frequently pick it up “just to check,” only to look up forty-five minutes later wondering where the time has gone? Do you say you want to spend less time on your phone–but have no idea how to do so without giving it up completely? If so, this book is your solution.

Award-winning journalist Catherine Price presents a practical, hands-on plan to break up–and then make up–with your phone. The goal? A long-term relationship that actually feels good.

You’ll discover how phones and apps are designed to be addictive, and learn how the time we spend on them damages our abilities to focus, think deeply, and form new memories. You’ll then make customized changes to your settings, apps, environment, and mindset that will ultimately enable you to take back control of your life.

Review:

This is a short book, so this is going to be a short review. The StoryGraph says it’s 184 pages, but considering in the second part each new idea is on its own page, it feels a lot shorter.

This book is broken into two distinct parts. The first part is the shortest, where Catherine laid out all her research on phone addiction and the damaging effects of being on your phone all the time (especially decreased attention span). This book is clearly people who are already convinced that they have an unhealthy relationship with their phone, since this section is more of an overview than anything. Personally I would have liked a more in-depth discussion, but I am also not entirely in that target audience.

The second part is the actual breakup plan, broken down into 30 steps to be done over 30 days. It’s a combination of reflections, awareness, reorganizing your phone, and “phasts” (phone fasts) where you’re away from your phone for a specified amount of time. Some of the steps are stuff I’ve already done (one of hte main reasons why I feel like I’m not entirely in this book’s target audience), some seem useful and helpful, and some seemed a little unnecessary (or unnecessarily complicated) to me. I may use some of the suggestions, but I don’t think I’ll go through the whole program.

The idea of framing this as a breakup came off a little gimicky to me. It’s likely because Catherine is coming from the persepctive of a woman going through a breakup, and I’m concerned that it might be off-putting to men who would find this helpful (not that it should, but masculinity is weird). I think that gimick limits the potential audience.

One thing I did really appreciate, though, is that Catherine recognized that phones are really useful and support your life in a lot of ways. She doesn’t come from the persepctive that phones are 100% bad, which a lot of these things tend to do, and I like that. Overall it’s a pretty balanced book, and actionable, which I like. I just don’t think I’m entirely in the target audience.

Review: The Body Is Not An Apology

Title: The Body Is Not An Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love

Author: Sonya Renee Taylor

Genre: Self-Help

Trigger Warnings: Discussions of fatphobia, racism, sexism, misogyny, and homophobia

Back Cover

A global movement guided by love

Humans are a varied and divergent bunch with all manner of beliefs, morals, and bodies. Systems of oppression thrive off our inability to make peace with difference and injure the relationship we have with our own bodies.

The Body Is Not an Apology offers radical self-love as the balm to heal the wounds inflicted by these violent systems. World-renowned activist and poet Sonya Renee Taylor invites us to reconnect with the radical origins of our minds and bodies and celebrate our collective, enduring strength. As we awaken to our own indoctrinated body shame, we feel inspired to awaken others and to interrupt the systems that perpetuate body shame and oppression against all bodies. When we act from this truth on a global scale, we usher in the transformative opportunity of radical self-love, which is the opportunity for a more just, equitable, and compassionate world–for us all.

Review

I’m struggling with what to say about this book. It was very inspiring, had a lot of good insights on body shame, and gave me a lot of questions to ask myself for personal reflections, but as I think back on it I can’t remember a single practical step (unless you count the reflection questions).

I loved the insights in this book about everyone having a “default body” of sorts in their mind as a way all bodies “should” be. The female one, which is the one she focuses on, is thin, white, tall, and blond, with a small European nose, blue eyes, defined but not dramatic curves … and let’s be honest, you probably didn’t need that description because when I said “default female body” you pictured something pretty similar to that. Which is the point Sonya makes – that even though hardly anyone naturally looks like that, that’s what everyone thinks of when we think of how a female body “should” be.

Sonya Renee Taylor is fat, Black, and female, and she approaches this topic mostly through the lenses of fatphobia, racism, and misogyny and how being fat, non-white, or female (or a combination thereof, she does discuss intersectionality) means you have to put time, effort, and money into looking and being a certain way to be considered the bare minimum of acceptable.

I’m not a person of color, but I am fat, often female-presenting, and gender nonconforming. In addition to finding it insipiring and interesting, a lot of this book was relatable. But one thing I’m not sure about is how practical it is. Sonya talks a lot about how if everybody learns to stop hating their body and stop trying to change how other people look, most of these problems will go away. Which, in theory, I agree with. But I’m curious if she thinks there’s a way to do it on a wider level than individual, which is what this book seems to focus on.

I really wish this book had more on disability. It’s about dealing with body shame that comes from outside and that we internalize, but it doesn’t touch at all on cases where your body dislike/frustration/hatred/etc. come from your disabled body not being able to do what you want or need it to. How do I learn to not hate my body if I have chronic pain and my body is causing me to constantly suffer?

On second thought, that may be topic for a sequel, because now that I think about it all of the issues discussed in this book are appearance-based.

Despite all that, though, there were a lot of really good things in this book and it’s absolutely worth the read. And the audiobook version was just over 4 hours long. It’s not a big book, and can easily be devoured in a sitting or two – although some of the questions Sonya asks will have you thinking long after you finish it.

Review: Organizing Solutions for People with ADHD (DNF)

Title: Organizing Solutions for People with ADHD: Tips and Tools to Help You Take Charge of Your Life and Get Organized

Author: Susan C. Pinsky

Genre: Organization/Productivity

Trigger Warnings: Is a writer being neurotypical but considering themself an ADHD-whisperer a trigger?

Read To: 61%

Back Cover:

If you’re one of the 10 million American adults with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), every day is a struggle to keep your home, your office, your electronics, and your calendar organized.

Organizing Solutions for People with ADHD, 2nd Edition—Revised and Updated presents a simple but effective, long-term solution to get you back in control of your life. Written by professional organizer Susan Pinsky, it outlines a practical, ADHD-friendly organizing approach that emphasizes easy maintenance techniques and methods for maximum efficiency, catering to the specific needs of the ADHD population. Susan’s practical solutions address the most common organizing dilemmas among her ADHD clientele, while also drawing on her own personal experience as the mother of a child with ADHD. Color photos, useful tips, and bulleted lists make this a quick and manageable read, no matter how fleeting your attention span.

Armed with this unique, step-by-step approach to organizing, you’ll receive the tools and the knowledge you need to eliminate stress from your home and lead a happier, healthier, more organized life.

Review:

I want to start with a disclaimer: I do not have ADHD.* I do, however, have autism and C-PTSD, both of which have a lot of overlapping symptoms with ADHD. A lot of things that help ADHD people also help me, and I relate to 99% of r/adhdmeme. So I thought this book might be helpful.

Susan Pinsky rubbed me the wrong way from the very beginning. She opened with a way-too-long and very repetitive chapter explaining how she wasn’t ADHD herself, but she had ADHD children and has worked with ADHD clients as a professional organizer and that makes her the ADHD whisperer. I don’t think she meant to come off as condescending, but that’s the impression I got.

She also doesn’t actually know how ADHD people work. Or how poor people work, either (but I suppose I can’t fault her for that, because all the people she’s worked with are people who can afford to hire a professional organizer). Her organizing methods rely on an ADHD person:

• Doing laundry on time 100% of the time
• Making a thorough shopping list, remembering it when they go to the store, and only purchasing what’s on the list
• Doing chores and run errands on a strict schedule
• Not only being okay with running out of something important (like bread or toilet paper), but celebrating it as a win and finding a substitute or living without until the next regularly-scheduled shopping trip
  • To me that sounds more like poverty than successful organization and I don’t think that’s a kind of life anyone should have to live, ADHD or not
• Hiring a housekeeper to do the cleaning (she claims that all the money you save by sticking to the shopping list and only the shopping list will let you afford one … I have doubts about that)

I know Marie Kondo is like the big name organizer person and other people with thoughts about organizing should be able to present their ideas without being compared to her. But at the same time, Susan Pinsky came off as a worse version of Marie Kondo. Both are all about getting rid of things that don’t assist your life, but Marie Kondo’s method is “only keep things that spark joy,” where as Susan Pinsky’s method is “you should own as little as possible! Only one set of sheets per bed! If you have five people living in your house you only need 5 plates! Never store extras or stock up, running out of staples means you’re organized and that’s good so just live without it! You only need two tupperwares! Trash the rest!” I guess it is true that if you only own two sets of clothing then your bedroom floor will never be covered in clothing, but that’s not really a life that I want to live.

I don’t want to act like this book is completely worthless. It came on my radar from someone on Tumblr who does have ADHD and found it very helpful. It also makes some good points about organizing for usability over aesthetic and minimizing the effort it takes to put things back where they belong. But I couldn’t get over the author’s ADHD-whisperer complex or her insistence that extreme minimalism is the only way to ever be organized if you have ADHD. This book has a few good ideas, but was a generally unpleasant read.

*Update: It turns out I do, in fact, have ADHD. The rest of the review still stands.

Review: The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning

Title: The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: How to Free Yourself and Your Family from a Lifetime of Clutter

Author: Margareta Magnusson

Genre: Organization/Memoir

Trigger Warnings: Extended discussions of death and death of loved ones

Back Cover:

In Sweden there is a kind of decluttering called döstädning, dö meaning “death” and städning meaning “cleaning.” This surprising and invigorating process of clearing out unnecessary belongings can be undertaken at any age or life stage but should be done sooner than later, before others have to do it for you. In The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning, artist Margareta Magnusson, with Scandinavian humor and wisdom, instructs readers to embrace minimalism. Her radical and joyous method for putting things in order helps families broach sensitive conversations, and makes the process uplifting rather than overwhelming.

Margareta suggests which possessions you can easily get rid of (unworn clothes, unwanted presents, more plates than you’d ever use) and which you might want to keep (photographs, love letters, a few of your children’s art projects). Digging into her late husband’s tool shed, and her own secret drawer of vices, Margareta introduces an element of fun to a potentially daunting task. Along the way readers get a glimpse into her life in Sweden, and also become more comfortable with the idea of letting go.

Review:

Margareta insists at the beginning of the book that death cleaning (and this book) is not morbid, and somehow she’s right. Despite being about “death cleaning,” or dealing with your stuff now to spare your loved ones the burden of dealing with it after you die, it’s actually a lighthearted and yes, gentle, book.

That said, this isn’t really an instruction manual. Margareta does add a few general “this is how I think you should do it” bits here and there, but it’s mostly about the author’s own thoughts about her own impending death and her experiences death cleaning for others and herself. The bulk of the book is stories about the things she’s accumulated through her life, the memories they contain for her, and how and why she decided to keep or get rid of them.

In some ways, it almost feels like this book itself is part of Margareta’s death cleaning – processing her journey and recording the stories of her things.

The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning is a quick read – I completed it in a single afternoon – and quite pleasant despite being about “death” cleaning and containing frequent (yet remarkably lighthearted) reflections on death. Personally, I think is best approached more as a topical memoir (Margareta’s life told through her process of cleaning out her possessions) than as any sort of advice or instruction manual.

Review: Radical Acceptance (DNF)

Title: Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha

Author: Tara Brach, PhD

Genre: Self-Help

Trigger Warnings: Child abuse, sexual assault, miscarriage, moralizing about food

Read to: 50% (beginning of chapter 7)

Back Cover:

“Believing that something is wrong with us is a deep and tenacious suffering,” says Tara Brach at the start of this illuminating book. This suffering emerges in crippling self-judgments and conflicts in our relationships, in addictions and perfectionism, in loneliness and overwork–all the forces that keep our lives constricted and unfulfilled. Radical Acceptance offers a path to freedom, including the day-to-day practical guidance developed over Dr. Brach’s twenty years of work with therapy clients and Buddhist students.

Writing with great warmth and clarity, Tara Brach brings her teachings alive through personal stories and case histories, fresh interpretations of Buddhist tales, and guided meditations. Step by step, she leads us to trust our innate goodness, showing how we can develop the balance of clear-sightedness and compassion that is the essence of Radical Acceptance. Radical Acceptance does not mean self-indulgence or passivity. Instead it empowers genuine change: healing fear and shame and helping to build loving, authentic relationships. When we stop being at war with ourselves, we are free to live fully every precious moment of our lives.

Review:

This isn’t a bad book. Not at all, actually. It’s just very repetitive.

I was really engaged through the first few chapters. Tara talks about her own personal spiritual journey and how she came to Buddhism, and the basic principles of radical acceptance. (The main idea is that emotions or desires you don’t like don’t mean you’re a bad person, and instead of resisting them, sit with them and accept that you are feeling them. It sounds silly when I say it like that but she does a much better job of explaining it.) She also has examples of using radical acceptance herself and helping her therapy clients use it to deal with difficult things.

But it never really goes beyond that. I felt like I got a pretty good understanding of it sometime around chapter four or five, and after that it started to feel repetitive. The issues that her clients were working through were different, but the principle was the same. Pause, breathe, accept that the feeling or desire is there, remember that having it doesn’t make you a bad person, and whatever you decide to do from there do it mindfully. At some point I was like, “Okay, I get it and I’m definitely going to use this myself, but can we get on with it?”

I’m not saying this book is bad. On the contrary, the first few chapters are excellent and I am definitely going to work on using this in my own life. But it started to get boring after a while with example after example that didn’t teach me anything new. A good book, but I think it should be at least 30% shorter.

Review: All About Love

Title: All About Love: New Visions

Author: bell hooks

Genre: Relationships

Trigger Warnings: Abuse (mention), moralizing about food (mention)

Back Cover:

All About Love offers radical new ways to think about love by showing its interconnectedness in our private and public lives. In eleven concise chapters, hooks explains how our everyday notions of what it means to give and receive love often fail us, and how these ideals are established in early childhood. She offers a rethinking of self-love (without narcissism) that will bring peace and compassion to our personal and professional lives, and asserts the place of love to end struggles between individuals, in communities, and among societies. Moving from the cultural to the intimate, hooks notes the ties between love and loss and challenges the prevailing notion that romantic love is the most important love of all.

Visionary and original, hooks shows how love heals the wounds we bear as individuals and as a nation, for it is the cornerstone of compassion and forgiveness and holds the power to overcome shame.

For readers who have found ongoing delight and wisdom in bell hooks’s life and work, and for those who are just now discovering her, All About Love is essential reading and a brilliant book that will change how we think about love, our culture-and one another.

Review:

I avoided reading bell hooks for the longest time. I knew that she was a great black feminist theorist, and I was afraid that her works would be dense, heavy, hard to read, and likely to go over my head. This book was my first experience with bell hooks, and I think one of the reasons she’s so great is because she’s none of those things.

This book is profound. It’s about love, specifically the way love can and should be: hopeful, respectful, nurturing, redeeming, hard and taking effort but so profoundly worth it. She contrasts the modern idea of love being mainly romantic and something that happens to you (“falling in love”) with a vision of what love could be – a choice that takes work and intention but that lasts, that is for everyone, that makes communities and makes us feel whole.

Love radiates off of these pages. I felt so hopeful while reading this, I love this vision of what love can be. I can’t wait until everyone figures out these principles and we create a loving world. bell just makes it feel so possible – maybe the world won’t immediately change how it works, but I can change how I love.

I am sure I’m going to read this book again. I read it as an ebook, but I want to buy a physical copy for me and everyone I know. I’m for sure going to load it on my phone and read it again, probably pretty soon. I just feel like there’s so much more I can get out of it, so much more I can learn about love and how to give (and receive) love better. I can’t recommend this book highly enough.